Picture credit: Chris Hyde/Getty Images
Injuries suck. But they also provide opportunities. Opportunities to learn more about yourself, about what you want from your career and in life, and the opportunity to work on things outside of sport. Hence, this ‘blog’. But I don’t like the word blog, so I think I’m going to go with diary. Much more author-esque. I’ve been wanting to create a website for a while but haven’t had the time or the resources to go through with it. Then my ACL decided to give way and ta-da, here we are. I also had a little help (okay, a LOT of help) from my friend Emily Wilson (nee Beaton, aka Cleverhand) who gave me the push I needed and did pretty much everything for me to make this happen.
I knew I’d done my ACL the moment it happened. I’ve never done one before, but my first thought (between cries of pain) was, “if I was ever to do an ACL, this is what it would feel like”. It was a bizarre experience. When I hit the ground I immediately cried out in pain. I was in agony. It felt like my knee was stuck to the floor and I didn’t think I’d ever be able to get up. All I remember from those first few moments is saying “I felt it go, I felt it go” and then telling Helen Housby, who was crouched over me, to go back and be with the team. The next few minutes were even crazier. The doctor offered me the Green Whistle to ease the pain and as soon as I saw it, I realised the pain had gone. I couldn’t believe I could go from feeling such intense agony to as if I could almost have walked off the court.
I was then taken to the medical room with our team physio and the Firebirds’ Doctor, Sharon. I couldn’t have asked for better medical staff in that moment. They did the usual tests and I’ll admit I felt a glimmer of hope when the ACL test was done as I didn’t feel like my knee moved too much. But then they checked my left (good) knee, and it didn’t move at all. That’s when the reality really hit home. I couldn’t control the tears that wouldn’t stop flowing down my face. Anyone who has sustained a season-ending injury will know the feeling. You think back to the countless hours you spent in the gym, on the running track and on the court and to all the sacrifices you made over the last six months. But then I realised it hadn’t been for nothing. I had played seven games with the Swifts and we were sitting on the top of the table. I was in close to career-best form and would like to say I’d contributed in some way to us being in first place. That’s when my mind immediately switched to the team and the rest of the season.
Once the tests were done and the emotions began to subside, Sharon, the doctor, said to me, “I think the best thing you can do right now is go back out there and support your team”. It was exactly what I needed to be told. I grabbed my crutches and made my way back onto the court, proud as anything to see that the team hadn’t only sustained the lead, they had but built on it. Everyone stepped up and took their game to another level. I was consumed by the game and the action unfolding so much so that when Laura Geitz, the sideline commentator, approached me about whether I’d be willing to speak to her, I didn’t hesitate for a second. We often talk about having ‘out of body experiences’ and I honestly think I had one in that moment. I’ve been asked a lot since that interview how I had the strength to do it, but I really think it was just that my focus was only on the team and what needed to happen from there. I also think I’d wasted all my tears in the moments before.
Being captain of the team has also made this whole experience easier (not that it can ever be described as easy). Knowing that while my job on the court is over, there’s still so much I can do for the team off the court. I haven’t missed a training session since the injury, except for being able to travel with the team to Adelaide post-surgery, but I was back at the club the day after I got out of hospital. While people may think that would be harder for me, it’s actually helped me stay so positive and put on a brave face. That, and my housemates. I am so lucky to live with Maddy Turner, Kate Eddy and Sophie Garbin (and Ryan, Sophie’s boyfriend, of course!) They have massaged my leg, washed my hair, cooked me dinner, filled the ice machine up countless times, but most importantly, made me laugh. Their company, along with the revolving door of Swifts teammates I’ve had around me, has made me feel so lucky to be in this environment. It’s not just the players, it’s the support staff, too. Briony, our head coach, has done two ACLs so knows first-hand what I’m going through and I’m eternally grateful for her support. The team physio and strength & conditioning coach will be my best friends for the next year and I’m so privileged to be working with the best in Steve and Lukas.
I’ve been overwhelmed with the support I’ve received since my injury and it really made me realise how many people care about me and what I’m going through. The messages I’ve been sent on social media have helped me stay so positive throughout this whole experience. While I’m hurting and am devastated my season is over, it’s made me realise how lucky I am to have so many incredible people supporting me and thinking of me. Sport has an uncanny way of bringing, and keeping, people together that I don’t feel like I can ever wallow in self-pity when I’m so privileged to be in the position I am in. I know I’m not the first person to do an ACL and I definitely won’t be the last. People have almost been ‘surprised’ by how positive I’ve been and while I know its early days and I have a loooong road ahead of me, I just don’t feel like it’s right to get too down about it. I’m sure I’ll have days where I break down and cry and think it’s all too hard and “poor me, why me?” but it’s during these times that I’ll learn the most about myself and experience the most growth as an athlete and a person (and it will give me some great material for Grace on the Court 3).
Without boring you too much more with soppy stuff, I’ll leave you to explore my website, check out some of the content and of course buy Grace on the Court. Did I mention I wrote a book?
Thanks for reading!
Maddy x